All I Loved, I Loved Alone

There are going to be days when people tell you that you look exhausted and rocky- eyed.
Look them in the face. Tell them, "This is how I'm supposed to look today."

Forget the word "trigger."
Flashbacks will have no triggers.
There will be times when the flashbacks hit you like a coastal hurricane,
When you're standing behind the counter at work,
With the customer patiently waiting for his change,
And all you will be able to do is stand there, not knowing what to do with your hands.

There will be times you will want to call.
Don't do it.
Because the sound of his phone going to Voicemail
Will be twice as painful as hearing his voice.

There will be days you won't be able to do anything but howl and claw and fall apart.
Do it.
Let your face become a river of choke and snot and stinging, hot tears.

There will be days you won't be able to do anything at all.
Do it.
Call in for work. Close the blinds. Hide in the covers.

There will be a time when "stay" will be the most Heart- breaking thing you will ever hear.